"Yenna Rascala"... This is Chennai...MIND IT !!!

*cough cough*

This blog is so dusty seems like nobody came here for a long time!! Okay let me scribble a bit…

Reason being for not updating my blog was that eventually I have cleared CA…Yeah yeah!!! I don’t look like a studious guy…What to do?? After all I didn’t want to have my Business Card a blank one with many spaces left vacant so thought of having some professional degree in my kitty!!

So I am a CA now and landed in Chennai for my next version of my career as a CA (Chartered Accountant).

*Sweating* what to do this is a place where people experience 12 months of summer!! Yes you read that CORRECT…its 12 months…now don’t look at the calendar, a year still has only 12 months!!!

Okay enough of blabbering let me take you (Non Chennai inhabitants) into Chennai’s happenings through my eyes (Not for Chennai people)

Came out of the Airport and could see people’s forehead smeared with holy ash and for a moment I thought will I be transforming myself into the same mould down the line???

Well I would let it be a thought and move on with the events!!

House Hunting:

I felt clearing my CA exam was an easy deal as compared to getting a house on rent in Chennai and that also a moderate one. After visiting to tens of places and interacting with the house owners, I was of the opinion that they have stereotyped bachelors into a single category (You guessed it right, no explanations needed). Finally as luck would have it I got a place near to my office. To get hold of a decent (case specific)place in Chennai on rent, one needs to have close to 1 lakh in hand (yeah you heard it right!!)

Landlord would ask you to shell 10 months as advance and the broker would with lustful eyes eye upon one month rent!!

After emptying my bank account and filling landlord’s pockets, I later on found that the place I had rented was a hunting ground for mosquitoes. Even the best of repellants failed to work (thought of suing the company for a while) and the mosquitoes partied all night up to the day I fixed the nets!!

When I shared my agony, some wise people dispensed the fact that there was drainage system behind my place and it was ought to be bombarded with mosquitoes. I was wondering where the hell my not so common sense was when I finalized this place. Anyway I was overwhelmed by the fact that at least I had admirers (after all mosquitos are also a living thing) 

Thought it to be some divine intervention to make me feel that I am not alone and I have my so called humming friends who would sing me a lullaby every night with my hands clapping for their performance!!!

Auto rickshaw Drivers:

Precision performers well that’s how I would label them as!!! Reason??? They are the creatures on earth who are authorized to do stunts and actions with the passengers in the dock. And the way they maneuver around the city in the so called yellow carrier, it seems that they charge for their action stunts rather than ferrying passengers to their destination.

Well folks, you obviously need to shell out money to watch any performance and they are no exception. The only difference being that they charge according to the passenger they ferry. If you are a localite deal is stuck in seconds and if not, even Forex speculations could also take a back seat when it comes to auto fares for a non localite.

They are similar to girls I say!! Reason being that if you give importance to any of the drivers with other driver in the waiting they would give you a blind eye had the first deal not struck…So remember the rule “First Arrived & First Deprived”. While driving they have some sort of unnatural eyesight which makes them see the busy roads as Highways and the throttle is choked to death. For them no gap is small enough to make way for their carrier… So next time beware when you stretch your hands on road for any purpose who knows your hand might be lying at the next signal acting as a direction tool!!!

Earphone Maniacs:

No hole should be left open!!! No I am not talking about the drainage hole I am referring to the holes in your ears… Black, White, and Brown…wait I am not a racist I am referring to the color of earphones people use. Every guy/gal in this city has this thing drilled into their ears everywhere. God knows if they are listening to radio/ chatting with their Ex’s/ current or updating them with current affairs. I accept this isn’t my business but still one should remember that sometimes engrossed conversation on roads leads to engraved tombs!!!

Stalker:

Everywhere I went I was followed…

Every place I had food, she was there…

She had become a part of daily routine. How hard did I try to escape, I couldn’t...

I pleaded mercy but it fell on deaf ears…

I tried various ways not much to avail…

She was not my first love but she had become way too possessive…

I tried to make her understand but she didn’t…

It was not love at first sight but it turned out to be no more of her sight…

I consulted many people but their answer was same that anywhere you go in Chennai you will always be stalked with SAMBHAR!!!

Way back in 2010 I was christened as SAMBHAR MAN in office costume party but as ill fate would have it, I am indeed have become ONE!!!

In Northern India Chapatti would be FIXED component and Side Dish would be a VARIABLE component but in Southern India, Sāmbhar is FIXED and others are VARIABLE component.

Yes folks it is close to more than 2 months here and I had CONSUMED Sāmbhar to such an extent which I couldn’t even think of having in my whole life…Condition is such that if I am physically hurt I would bleed SAMBHAR instead of BLOOD!!!

Politics:

Ever wondered how will you feel when you sport a pen, wear a gold ring, place a photo frame in front of your car, with some political leader photo on it??? I would term it as lunatic. I agree with following a certain political party but by making it as a religion, come on I am no buyer of this idiotic idea. Every nook and corner of this city is haunted by the large sized banners, posters, idols and what else not!!!  Spotted someone with white set of clothes, beware of such person who knows he may be a self proclaimed leader of some party and will be accompanied by a set of chorus group. Not only the weather remains hot, even POLITICS also do!!!

At last color WHITE is no more a synonym for PEACE!!!

Driving:

Vroom!!! Screech!!! Vroom!!! Dishum!!!

Didn’t you understand??? Well this is how people drive…ouch… drive is not a correct word it should be DRAG!!!

People when they place their ass on the driving seats are immediately touched by the spirits of Vettel, Alonso and Hamilton…

Every person (of ALL AGE GROUPS) here (exceptions are always there) drive as if they are the hero/heroine in some masala movie with the bomb ticking and in case they didn’t reach their destination at the right time, their love may be dead!!! In fact when I analyzed the vehicles on the road I gauged that mostly everyone is riding gearless vehicles. They don’t even have time for shifting gears… Time saving I guess!!!  

I guess they should start using BRAKES much more than their BRAINS!!!

Grace at a Price:

God is omnipresent…I don’t think this statement holds well in Southern India. Prominent temples I visited always had those 2 lines of demarcation. One for people who would were kept away from the feet of the deities  and were allowed to bow from quite a distance and another for those who shelled few bucks on rose garlands and opted for special darshan. I would really need to have a word with God to know how this mechanism works and what the sole purpose is when people have money to shell on special darshan & rose garlands but not enough to donate to the beggars sitting outside.

I could make simple equation from this:-

Ordinary Darshan + Pure Devotion = Bliss

Special Darshan + Showoff = God bless you!!!

Special and ordinary do not merely remain types of tea these days they have prolonged to various aspects including religious places too.

Strange are his ways and strange are his people…

To conclude with I must admit that I have pointed out all the negative aspects of this place…seems like being an auditor I have started having my professional touch in personal aspect also!!! Will list out the positives in my next post…until then SAMBHAR MAN WILL PREVAIL AGAINST ALL ODDS!!!