Power of Onions!!!

Beware!!!

Happy Independence Day!!!

Just Like That :)

"A Day in the Life of an Unemployed"

Ever wondered why things sometimes never fall into place even after being backed up by the best of means?

Wondering why the chap next door moves ahead in this rat race even though not well equipped?

Why your friend gets those best of job mails in his inbox amidst creating his job profile in not so MBA styled format?

Why the telephonic call seeking your interest in the job prospect never gets converted into an opportunity?

Why conversing like an orator to a HR person doesn’t win you an offer letter?

Well, I guess you might have read the answers to this questions in numerous HR Forums and Groups which very often blow the same trumpets over and again and we make a fool out of ourselves by breeding on the idea that we are definitely doing something the other way around?

Hmmm…So you might be tickled with the idea that why this guy who deals with numbers creating hoopla about the HR perspective...Well this is for the simple reason that I am UN-employed right now...(Currently employed for looking employment)

Stop right here…This post is not to canvass any referral / send in some job alerts for me!!! (Wicked smile)…Even if you do I would not reward you more than a burger @ McDonalds which is funded by the free coupon I received from a online recharge portal whilst recharging someone else’s mobile…(Miser eh???)

Day starts with a hope to get some divine intervention in the form of HR personnel, who I wish would:

• Know my physical, monetary and social needs in advance,
• Provide me with a 5 day working,
• Give lot more incentives for joining the organization,
• Doesn’t grill me like a sabziwallah to lower my expectations,
• Schedules my interview during non peak hours to beat traffic woes…

Did I ask for something extra?? Dish TV ka advt. dekha hai maine…”Thoda aur wish karo” kehte hain Shahrukh Khan saab…

I sometimes wonder if the outgoing facility on telephone of HR people gets barred right after they call me as I never heard from them next time…They better pay up their phone bills or appoint me to take care of the same!!!

I have heard lot of HR people pop the question “Why are you looking for a job change??” 
What a stupid question is this??  

Sometimes I feel like saying these things:-

• I want to add up more friends on my Facebook account as I will meet new people in new office.
• I wanted to taste the coffee from your office vending machine as I read in some serious confessions page that they tasted “AWESOME”!!!…
• I have heard that you provide samosa and chutney every evening in your office,
• You equip the new joiners by giving those 5 Rs pens and a notepad…
• I would be getting a new I card, business card and most importantly a new ZERO “0” balance account as I am ultra poor to have a savings account in private banks these days keeping an AQB of INR 10000…
• And lastly I get a chance to shake hands with all the girls in the organization on my first day of introduction!!!

Next Question: What is your expectation?

Whatever my expectation is… I surely know that you would take advantage of my situation and the word EXPECT would be read as ACCEPT!!!

The Final Question of telephonic round: How soon can you join...? It sounds like asking a hungry…Would you like to have a simple pizza or a one with extra toppings of jalapeno and pepper…

To all the HR’s please take note: “BEGGARS CAN’T BE CHOOSERS”

I am surely not grumpy on not landing on a job as I try to console myself by reiterating the fact that

• Industry is going through a lean period,
• I am overqualified,
• This is not my type of job,
• It’s my life and I would like to make it large just like MSD,Saif and likes
• Opportunity would surely knock at my place once more as I have changed my address (Resume)
•  I don’t want ending up as another chap who after putting in 40 years of his life is still not able to gather 40 odd reasons why he kept clinging to the same job down the line…

Drifting on to a serious side of mine I often end up analyzing few questions which gives me a different view:

• How many resumes of your friends still lie unattended in your inbox and you least bothered to forward it to some viable opportunity?
• How many times there had been an opportunity which was not suited for you but you friend could end up with the job…but your procrastination snatched it?
• How often you had not appreciated and motivated your friend of the qualities they had in them which IF rekindled could let them rediscover themselves?
• A new idea paves way for new horizons to be discovered…How many of such ideas you had not supported or killed right after initiation of your friends?
• Thought process and creativity comes out of promoting the efforts not by being jealous…Remember “WE ARE UNIQUE LIKE EVERYONE ELSE”…
• How many times we have labeled our peer’s efforts by terming them as sheer luck and giving it a blind eye?
• How you felt ridiculing a 6 or 7 pointer grades of your friends and feeling proud of your 9 pointer even after realizing the hardships they faced and termed it has life’s lessons?

Remember “TIME” is a powerful teacher…Who knows you could also end up on the receiving side of your friends?

Enough being serious about life…So while penning this article I thought of changing the direction of my laptop to attract positive energies (it doesn't matter being superstitious if it rewards you a job) in spite of me being positioned on a seat like a passenger travelling without ticket and suspending their half ass in air…

So folks never ridicule or demoralize your friends…who knows, the idea they conceived could end up in a life changing experience for the mankind…

Off late, I am keeping a tab on all those (4365 and counting) who constantly say, when meeting me in temple, shops or in my home itself that “Don’t worry, God has something very good in his store for you”

Until then, I am back to my job hunting spree and in case any HR comes across this post please don’t get offended it was purely meant for fun and inviting your attention and if you are serious about hiring me (C.A & MBA)…Just shoot an email and I will right there in your office even before my mail reaches your inbox!!!

"Yenna Rascala"... This is Chennai...MIND IT !!!

*cough cough*

This blog is so dusty seems like nobody came here for a long time!! Okay let me scribble a bit…

Reason being for not updating my blog was that eventually I have cleared CA…Yeah yeah!!! I don’t look like a studious guy…What to do?? After all I didn’t want to have my Business Card a blank one with many spaces left vacant so thought of having some professional degree in my kitty!!

So I am a CA now and landed in Chennai for my next version of my career as a CA (Chartered Accountant).

*Sweating* what to do this is a place where people experience 12 months of summer!! Yes you read that CORRECT…its 12 months…now don’t look at the calendar, a year still has only 12 months!!!

Okay enough of blabbering let me take you (Non Chennai inhabitants) into Chennai’s happenings through my eyes (Not for Chennai people)

Came out of the Airport and could see people’s forehead smeared with holy ash and for a moment I thought will I be transforming myself into the same mould down the line???

Well I would let it be a thought and move on with the events!!

House Hunting:

I felt clearing my CA exam was an easy deal as compared to getting a house on rent in Chennai and that also a moderate one. After visiting to tens of places and interacting with the house owners, I was of the opinion that they have stereotyped bachelors into a single category (You guessed it right, no explanations needed). Finally as luck would have it I got a place near to my office. To get hold of a decent (case specific)place in Chennai on rent, one needs to have close to 1 lakh in hand (yeah you heard it right!!)

Landlord would ask you to shell 10 months as advance and the broker would with lustful eyes eye upon one month rent!!

After emptying my bank account and filling landlord’s pockets, I later on found that the place I had rented was a hunting ground for mosquitoes. Even the best of repellants failed to work (thought of suing the company for a while) and the mosquitoes partied all night up to the day I fixed the nets!!

When I shared my agony, some wise people dispensed the fact that there was drainage system behind my place and it was ought to be bombarded with mosquitoes. I was wondering where the hell my not so common sense was when I finalized this place. Anyway I was overwhelmed by the fact that at least I had admirers (after all mosquitos are also a living thing) 

Thought it to be some divine intervention to make me feel that I am not alone and I have my so called humming friends who would sing me a lullaby every night with my hands clapping for their performance!!!

Auto rickshaw Drivers:

Precision performers well that’s how I would label them as!!! Reason??? They are the creatures on earth who are authorized to do stunts and actions with the passengers in the dock. And the way they maneuver around the city in the so called yellow carrier, it seems that they charge for their action stunts rather than ferrying passengers to their destination.

Well folks, you obviously need to shell out money to watch any performance and they are no exception. The only difference being that they charge according to the passenger they ferry. If you are a localite deal is stuck in seconds and if not, even Forex speculations could also take a back seat when it comes to auto fares for a non localite.

They are similar to girls I say!! Reason being that if you give importance to any of the drivers with other driver in the waiting they would give you a blind eye had the first deal not struck…So remember the rule “First Arrived & First Deprived”. While driving they have some sort of unnatural eyesight which makes them see the busy roads as Highways and the throttle is choked to death. For them no gap is small enough to make way for their carrier… So next time beware when you stretch your hands on road for any purpose who knows your hand might be lying at the next signal acting as a direction tool!!!

Earphone Maniacs:

No hole should be left open!!! No I am not talking about the drainage hole I am referring to the holes in your ears… Black, White, and Brown…wait I am not a racist I am referring to the color of earphones people use. Every guy/gal in this city has this thing drilled into their ears everywhere. God knows if they are listening to radio/ chatting with their Ex’s/ current or updating them with current affairs. I accept this isn’t my business but still one should remember that sometimes engrossed conversation on roads leads to engraved tombs!!!

Stalker:

Everywhere I went I was followed…

Every place I had food, she was there…

She had become a part of daily routine. How hard did I try to escape, I couldn’t...

I pleaded mercy but it fell on deaf ears…

I tried various ways not much to avail…

She was not my first love but she had become way too possessive…

I tried to make her understand but she didn’t…

It was not love at first sight but it turned out to be no more of her sight…

I consulted many people but their answer was same that anywhere you go in Chennai you will always be stalked with SAMBHAR!!!

Way back in 2010 I was christened as SAMBHAR MAN in office costume party but as ill fate would have it, I am indeed have become ONE!!!

In Northern India Chapatti would be FIXED component and Side Dish would be a VARIABLE component but in Southern India, Sāmbhar is FIXED and others are VARIABLE component.

Yes folks it is close to more than 2 months here and I had CONSUMED Sāmbhar to such an extent which I couldn’t even think of having in my whole life…Condition is such that if I am physically hurt I would bleed SAMBHAR instead of BLOOD!!!

Politics:

Ever wondered how will you feel when you sport a pen, wear a gold ring, place a photo frame in front of your car, with some political leader photo on it??? I would term it as lunatic. I agree with following a certain political party but by making it as a religion, come on I am no buyer of this idiotic idea. Every nook and corner of this city is haunted by the large sized banners, posters, idols and what else not!!!  Spotted someone with white set of clothes, beware of such person who knows he may be a self proclaimed leader of some party and will be accompanied by a set of chorus group. Not only the weather remains hot, even POLITICS also do!!!

At last color WHITE is no more a synonym for PEACE!!!

Driving:

Vroom!!! Screech!!! Vroom!!! Dishum!!!

Didn’t you understand??? Well this is how people drive…ouch… drive is not a correct word it should be DRAG!!!

People when they place their ass on the driving seats are immediately touched by the spirits of Vettel, Alonso and Hamilton…

Every person (of ALL AGE GROUPS) here (exceptions are always there) drive as if they are the hero/heroine in some masala movie with the bomb ticking and in case they didn’t reach their destination at the right time, their love may be dead!!! In fact when I analyzed the vehicles on the road I gauged that mostly everyone is riding gearless vehicles. They don’t even have time for shifting gears… Time saving I guess!!!  

I guess they should start using BRAKES much more than their BRAINS!!!

Grace at a Price:

God is omnipresent…I don’t think this statement holds well in Southern India. Prominent temples I visited always had those 2 lines of demarcation. One for people who would were kept away from the feet of the deities  and were allowed to bow from quite a distance and another for those who shelled few bucks on rose garlands and opted for special darshan. I would really need to have a word with God to know how this mechanism works and what the sole purpose is when people have money to shell on special darshan & rose garlands but not enough to donate to the beggars sitting outside.

I could make simple equation from this:-

Ordinary Darshan + Pure Devotion = Bliss

Special Darshan + Showoff = God bless you!!!

Special and ordinary do not merely remain types of tea these days they have prolonged to various aspects including religious places too.

Strange are his ways and strange are his people…

To conclude with I must admit that I have pointed out all the negative aspects of this place…seems like being an auditor I have started having my professional touch in personal aspect also!!! Will list out the positives in my next post…until then SAMBHAR MAN WILL PREVAIL AGAINST ALL ODDS!!!

" व्यथा मन की "

बैठा इस मंज़र पर सोच रहा मैं बीता हुआ कल
इंसान हूँ अन्यथा कर पाता समय को बदल ...
ज़िन्दगी के इस इम्तिहान मैं जीत होगी आज नहीं तो कल 
कि कीचड़ के बीच ही खिलता है कमल  ...

कुछ पल अपने अंतर्मन के लिए जिया मैं 
ज़िन्दगी के सही मायने पहचान न पाया मैं ...
लोगों के शंका में छुप गई मेरी प्रतिभा 
भूल गया की हर इंसान में ही बसी है उसकी आभा ...

दुविधा मेरे जीवन का हिस्सा बन गए  
लक्ष्य जो थे मेरे वह बीता हुआ किस्सा बन गए ...
अनजानी राहों में ढूँढ रहा मैं अपना ठिकाना 
मंज़र पे खड़ा इस असमंझस में की कहाँ है मुझे जाना ...

जिम्मेदारियों का आहिस्ता आहिस्ता बढ़ता हुआ बोझ 
अपेक्षाओं की उधड बुन में कर रहा अपने ज़मीर की खोज ...
ज़िन्दगी का मार्गदर्शक अब सिर्फ मन नहीं रह गया 
क्यूँकि अब सफलता का चिन्ह चंद रुपये बन के रह गया ...

सीख संसार के पाठ इस राह पर मैं फ़िर चल पड़ा 
समय मेरे भी अनुकूल होगा इस विश्वास के साथ मेरा हर पग बढ़ा ...
मुश्किल समय में जिनका साथ रहा उनका हूँ मैं सदा शुक्रगुज़ार 
सत्य है की विश्वास और सच्चाई ही हमेशा रहेंगे जीवन के आधार ...

"Why i wanted to be a CA (Chartered Accountant)"

                          “WHY I WANTED TO BE A C.A?”

       I wanted to be a CA because:-

• I was judged by the society on the degrees I have to my credit…
• I was judged by the balance I maintain in bank account…
• I was judged by the wheels I drive rather the passion which drives me…
• I was judged by the size of my apartment rather the size of my dreams…
• I was judged by the quantum of earning rather than the quantum of potential I have…
• I was judged by the two alphabets C.A which would put on smiles for a lifetime on two persons (Parents)…
• I was judged by the %age of marks I secured but not the %age of interest I have…
• I was judged by the outside appearance but ignoring what I am beneath…
• I was judged on what was my Pay rather what my heart Says…
• I was judged only on the attempts I made to clear ignoring that with every attempt there was fear & my passion was not near…
• I was judged by how I carry myself but ignoring what carries me...
• I was judged not on emotional security I would have provided,  but the economic security which I possess…
• I was judged on how accountable I am towards others rather than how accountable I am to my inner soul…
• I  was judged not on my abilities but what I should be capable of…
• I was judged on the parameters set by others rather than the height I wished to achieve…
• I was judged on "NOT WHO I AM” but “WHO I SHOULD BE”…

                                Life Summary (AUDIT REPORT)

Journey of my life until now had events (TRANSACTIONS) which were treated as per society standards (AS) based on assumptions (A/c ASSUMPTIONS) being recorded accurately so that social and personal spheres are balanced (TRIAL BALANCE). Emphasis was laid always on the surplus I had (P&L A/c), to cater to the non exhaustive needs (GOING CONCERN). Passion was (DEFERRED) to provide for (CONTINGENCIES) ,were treated in line with commitments towards others  (LIABILITIES) , to balance the life urged a need to create (ASSETS) which were always made to reassess at (MARKET VALUE) and with every subsequent increase there was a permanent place for (CREDITORS) & (LOANS). Satisfaction was made directly proportional to the (BANK BALANCE)

All this was carried on with only one exception being that the affairs (BALANCE SHEET) were never made to be presented in a true and fair manner.

Efforts are now directed to make sure that my passion and interests no more remain as mere (FOOT  NOTES)